Everything hurts and I'm dying

Two weeks ago, while Ian was at hockey practice, I walked out of the rink and crawled into the back of my SUV to lie flat on my back. My entire left upper quadrant was in pain. I had strained my shoulder doing squats earlier that day in the gym. I hurt my shoulder on Leg Day.

I called Shrop in tears. There wasn't anything, in particular, he could do other than come over and rub CBD oil into my deltoid. I sobbed to him that since my pain tolerance is so high, I'm not even sure how bad this pain is. It could be debilitating to others, but I was still driving my kid to hockey and cooking dinner. I just hurt the entire time.

I left an emotional voicemail with a local physical therapy group. I got an appointment for the following Wednesday.

I met Laurie, the clinic director. She asked if I could touch my toes, and I flat palmed my hands on the floor. She actually recoiled. "That's not what we want. Your hips didn't actually move that much. You're just stretching everything else to get to the floor. You might even be able to touch the floor below this one." We also discovered I could fold my thumbs down to my forearms. Those were some of the tests on the Beighton Score to measure for Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder.

She can't technically diagnose me as hypermobile because it requires a blood test, but she did say I'm definitely extra-mobile. Other symptoms include slow healing, easy bruising, poor coordination, jaw pain, and joint dislocation. Additionally, some people have comorbidities of fibromyalgia, myofascial pain, and arthritis.

Her goal was to give me stability. Because my connective tissue is too stretchy, it can't keep my joints together as well as it should, and I can very easily get out of alignment.

I told her I lift weights and do yoga as well as receive deep tissue massages. She told me I shouldn't do yoga because it will make me too stretched out. She said lifting weights is bad because my body will use the wrong muscles and I can do damage. She also said the deep tissue massage may feel good for a few days but won't correct the issue, so I'll rebound and feel worse later. This was all very discouraging. All the things I enjoy don't help me and possibly do me damage.

I got on the exam table and she tested my hip movement. It was almost non-existent. She could put her thumbs on the side of my left hip and push, but nothing moved. It was like I was nailed to the exam table.

She started with a hip extension exercise for me. I put about three pillows under my left hip and then draped myself sideways over them for five minutes. Tears of frustration streamed out of my eyes and down into the little face hole on the table.

Hypermobility is a chronic condition, adding to my other chronic illnesses of diabetes, hypothyroidism, and Hashimoto's. I have to remain vigilant regarding how I move and perform regular maintenance on my body. Even with these measures, it's a giant hassle. The smallest misstep causes me so much pain for so long. I had done a lower pec exercise about three weeks prior and hadn't been able to sleep on my left side since then, despite not having pain at the gym.

After two and a half hours at the clinic, I was set free with a hug from Laurie, some exercises for home, and a schedule to come back twice a week. I could come three times a week, but only if I wasn't doing any other exercise. There was a lot of concern about my breaking something. I felt like a rag doll with loosely sewn seams.

Out of stubbornness, I decided to keep going to the gym, but not go hard. I went to my second physical therapy appointment two days later on Friday and met Michael. He did a lot of cupping on my upper back and a little on my lower back. The lower back didn't react much, but the upper back really brought out the octopus attack look.

I felt better after that visit. My hips are twisted. My left hip is forward and down; my right hip is backward and up. It's cute in a dance move, but you're not supposed to stay that way 24/7. Since my ligaments are made of warm Play-Doh, I end up staying in that position, and it affects my upper body. The twisted hips explain why my left trapezoid and lats are trashed, and I can barely turn my head to the left.

There's a joke about how bisexual people can't sit in chairs correctly and I'm living that stereotype. I noticed over the weekend that when I slid up into the Suburban's passenger seat, I never finished getting in the car. I just stayed on my left hip, twisted towards the side mirror as if this were a reasonable way to sit. If I felt fancy, I'd tuck my right foot up onto the rigid side door pocket or under me. It’s a miracle I can use any seating device properly.

The good news is, I'm making progress! I've done some basic hip exercises and I'm starting to straighten out! Laurie told me today that I've gained a lot of control and stability.

We worked on a particular exercise this afternoon that made me pull my left hip back and down. I would do the movement, but it wasn't engaging the right muscles. My right leg was determined to do all the work. We finally got me adjusted precisely how I needed to be so that I could feel the correct muscles engage. And it's better!

Laurie asked me how I was feeling today. I told her I was much better. "Overall, I'm at about a two in pain. My biggest complaint is my right elbow. I hurt it untying my shoe last night." Because that's totally a thing to damage oneself untying your shoes.

She dug her fingers into my elbow for a bit and that helped. Then she dug around in the space under my right clavicle and above my top rib for about 10 minutes. Eventually, it gave up, allowing me to turn my head to the left more.

I was in a lot of pain two weeks ago. One week ago, I was utterly overwhelmed with data about yet another chronic thing for me to manage. Today, I'm feeling better. The physical therapy is helping. I have some friends to help me with resources and support (hi Jenica and Lisa!).

I'm tilting my pelvis forward and "tucking my ribs into my pockets." My right leg is a little straighter. My "shoe elbow" is still sore, but it will get settle down eventually.