The me I used to be.

I went back through some old photos looking for insight on what I was like in high school. From what I can tell, I was playing the part of a well-educated homeless person.

It's a small consolation that it was the grunge period, which may explain my penchant for plaid.

But seriously, I left the house like this? I showed Rich this photo and he said, "you sorta look like a member of the Beastie Boys except for wearing your dad's old coat." I would like to point out I'm wearing high top Batman Chuck Taylors in this photo. And that I'm up and dressed and at school by 7:40am, something I can't accomplish now in my professional life, regardless of my wardrobe choices.

High school is a bit of a blur to me. I remember feeling frumpy at times. Too big compared to so many other tiny girls. I remember feeling like I was too loud, too opinionated, too sarcastic. I remember trying to join a sport - field hockey then basketball and not enjoying them at all. I remember discovering the dance team and it being one of the best things that happened to me. It still is.

I never had a boyfriend in high school. Sure, I had plenty of crushes, but no one gave me his class ring or invited me to homecoming. At the time I thought this was horrible, but in retrospect it's probably all for the best. No good could have come from anyone I would have dated in high school. And instead of desperately trying to get to third base, I spent my Saturday nights in Becca's den making chocolate chip cookies and watching Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman.

I always said I wasn't good at making female friends. But until recently when I've discovered blogging buddies and some other moms, the most female friends I had was during high school.

Rich mentioned in the car today that he hoped no one would say they were the same person they were in high school. I'm not sure I agree. I don't see myself as that different that who I was then. I'm a lot more patient and less dogmatic; experience will do that for you. I still feel pretty comfortable in my own skin, though I still feel pretty big compared to others around me. I've just gotten used to it. I still am a bit of a worrier and way too responsible, I've just learned to occasionally shrug stuff off (Zoloft helps with that, I admit).

I still spend a lot of energy on my friends and think it makes me a better person for it. I'm still stubborn. I still hang out with my parents a lot. I still wait til the last minute to complete any assignment. I still regularly make regrettable wardrobe choices when I leave the house in the morning.

The biggest thing I can see is that while I didn't change that much, I feel like everyone and everything around me has for the better. I found a handsome husband who appreciates my Batman Chucks. I found a job where I can wear jeans and flip flops to the office (take THAT, private school dress code!). I found an outlet for my creativity in writing and sewing. And I've found many many many friends along the way. The only things I miss from high school are being able to sing every morning and dance every afternoon. I should work on that.

Overall, though, I still feel like me.