DLand - A Brush with Royalty

Oh! I totally forgot about this! But it's too good not to share. The parental crisis has made me lax in my writing. We went to the SCA meeting on Wednesday. Mostly to attempt to be social again. we checked in with Rosine and she said that the meeting was going to be a boring PAC meeting (Pennsic Action Committee - isn't that so military?) but that afterwards we could go out for food and beer. We were convinced. So we went and listened to Arnie and company organize the encampment crap. It was not overwhelmingly exciting but it sated my need to be anal-retentive and plan things a little. That went on for several hours and then it was off to the White Horse Pub.

So we're all sitting down and are gabbing about Pennsic and why things are the way they are and comparing to Gulf Wars which was just over (amazingly wet and rainy, so I hear). And then we were talking about various camp sites and the lake and the naked swimming hole.... And Rosine makes some off hand comment about this guy who showed up one year wanting to get in at Pennsic. For those unaware, Rosine is a head honcho of the front gate at Pennsic War many years running. And she meets many interesting people - some of which not very smart - in her medieval customer service role.

So the story begins when our fearless gate attendant Rosine meets up with Him. He is easily 400 pounds and probably closer to 500. He is too large to drive a car. He is too large to fit in the front seat of a car. He can only ride in the back seat of *some* cars. So our little Jabba undulates his way to the counter at Troll. He apparently in his haste forgot his photo identification. Now that's one of the few rules. You have to show a photo id. So he says his id is back in Ohio - which is like 4 hours away. Well, Rosine tells him the rules and he says "well So-and-So and vouch for me". So Rosine says, if you go to the Barn and get So-and-So (I forgot his name) I'll wait here for you. First there is an argument about whether the Hut can make it to the Barn and that he needs a ride. But it is agreed that he can walk to the Barn or drive to Ohio. Well an hour later, So-and-So comes by and there is no large man with him. Rosine questions Mr. So and he says he knows him but has not seen him that day. Well, Rosine treks off to his supposed camp site to find out how he got lost between the gate and the Barn.

Now's when it gets good. So Rosine goes down there with another woman and finds him setting up his camp. Rosine explains that he is violating the rules of the site and he needs to go home. The arguing continues. As Rosine said, if you were standing behind this man, you could not have seen the two large women that he was arguing with. Well, this huge fellow says, "Don't you know who I am?! I'm a Pennsic legend! I'm the King of the Naked People!"

Yes, that's right, people. Naked people have a royalist society and chose this man to rule as their esteemed monarch. Apparently this man comes to Pennsic every year and wallows at the naked swimming hole for two weeks in the nude. It's people like him that inspire the rule of having two posts in the ground and if you can't fit to walk between the two posts, you should not take your clothes off.

So this thin polite gentleman comes up - he is the King's brother. And he says that they will do whatever it takes to get him there. So they agree that he should have something with a birth date, full name and picture faxed to the site. The thin one (I would call him the Prince, but I don't think he deserves it) agrees and sets off. Well, the fax was a loss (the photo was a black box and the information illegible). So Rosine says he'll have to leave. Well, there's no car that he can fit in. So here come the parents from Ohio after four hours on the road to pick his sorry butt up. They arrive, two very sweet and tired people. They dump a shoe box of papers that his mother found in his room (I didn't get into this man's general scent either). Rosine then realizes that this man staying in Pennsylvania for two weeks is more of a service to the parents than it is to the grown child. So she picks through and finds three documents that mean he can stay. The parents bow and thank her immensely and return to Ohio for two weeks of vacation and the King of the Naked People waddled back to his Kingdom for the fort night.

It's people like this that make me think of just taking up golf as a hobbie instead.