Facebook Archive - September 2015

Sept 10 - Ian's lunch: water, half a turkey samdwich, three meatballs, cheezits, strawberries, a Hershey kiss. It's a challenge to get him enough food he can eat in 30 min. #goodbyn #kleankanteen #whatkidseat

Sept 10 - Day two of school and Ian declared last night that his teachers were 'mean'. I asked why that was. 

They made him throw away the last of his cheezits at the end of lunch yesterday. He said the lunch room teacher told him, 'Lunch is over. Time to throw away your food.' 

'But I wasn't done with my cheezits and I was still hungry. They made me throw them away.'

I told him he could have probably just put the lid on his lunch box and eaten them at Jenna's but he said, 'No, Mommy, I have to do what the teacher tells me to or I'll get in trouble. But it's a stupid rule. We only get 30 minutes to eat lunch and I really need like 40 minutes which is ..... 9 MORE MINUTES ... wait, 10 more minutes.'

I told him I would do everything I could to package foods he could eat quickly and help him out.

He's learning a lot of life lessons already at school. And a side of math.

Sept 20 - Sunday, 6:30am, in a tent in our back yard
Ian: 'Mom?'
Me: 'Yeah?'
Ian: 'Did we do it?'
Me: '?'
Ian: 'Did we camp outside?'
Me: 'Yep.'
Ian: 'Yay! ... Camping is cold!'

Facebook Archive - August 2015

Aug 23 - Ian ate 1500 calories for breakfast this morning, which is more than my allotment for the entire day. I tremble for his teenage years.

Aug 27 - Ian: 'Mommy, do you love me?'
Me: 'I love you very much. All day every day. I made you!'
Ian: 'Well, Daddy did too. With that thing under his penis.'
Me: 'Testicles?'
Ian: 'Yeah, those. Daddy used his testicles and you used your belly.'
Me: 'But I would like credit for growing you for a very long time.'
Ian: 'Yeah, you grew me and Daddy made me a human.'
Me: 'Fair enough.'
Ian: 'Mommy, thank you for making me alive.'

#70months #notforwusses

Facebook Archive - July 2015

July 4 - 'Hey, Mommy, my bath water is black! How did you do that?'

We've resorted to Lava pumice soap to get the grime off of Ian. He's wrecked so many times it's hard to tell the bike chain grease from the bruises.

July 14 - Questions from the five-year-old tonight:
Why did Mommy divorce Jeremy?
Why does chili make you fart?
What's a 'drunk in a midnight choir'?
#notforwusses

July 18 - Ian just said 'for sample' instead of 'for example' and 'WALLA!' instead of 'voila'. He has a certain flair when explaining the intricacies of Minecraft. 

Also it takes all my will power not to snicker when he keeps making excited statements about his wood.

July 20 - Ian: 'Mommy can I have a hug? I promise I won't fondle your boobs.'
Me: 'Sure, you can have a hug. I appreciate you leaving my boobs alone.'
Ian: 'It's just that since you don't let me have mama milk any more I want to touch your boobs.'
Me: 'Yeah, but I'd kinda rather you didn't touch them all the time.'
Ian: 'Why? You used to let me put my mouth on them all the time and that was definitely touching them.'
#notforwusses #extendednursing #tinylawyer

July 26 - Discussing the definitions of 'products' and 'produce' with Ian as we head to the store (that sells both).