Living out loud

in

Curtis has generously loaned me his Wacom tablet so I could see how easy it is to draw on the computer screen what I would normally draw on a dry erase board. I seem to remember being much better at this than I am now.

As I've been working my way through NaBloPoMo, I've been realizing (again) how much happier I am when I'm writing. I've also been digging through some of my old paper journals and getting frustrated at the huge gaps in history. This blog has really been the closest thing to a diary I've kept over the last seven years, and the irony of 99.9% of it being public is not lost on me. It's as if I'm not willing to take the time to capture my days if no one else will read it.

I was at my parents' yesterday and they were talking about a few treasures they have buried in amongst the junk. My father was saying how he had hoped to keep a journal while in all the stages of his life, but the closest thing he has is probably the letters he and Mom exchanged while he was in Vietnam. That was an incredibly tumultuous time in their lives but in the day to day of digging trenches, making sure his feet were warm and keeping that red clay out of his belongings, the idea of trying to chronicle his experience probably seemed ludicrous.

I don't know that I'll ever be able to keep a handwritten journal anymore. More and more things are becoming electronic in my life. For the most part, I'm happy with that. I type much faster than I write longhand and I like the flexibility of getting to files from anywhere versus only in a precious book that may be lost or damaged.

Rich had his Army journals stolen back in 2002 when someone broke into his car. It was infuriating for him and heartbreaking for me by extension. I would have loved to read about that part of his life, but since it was in books (that the thief most likely threw away unread in a dumpster across town) all that history is lost to only what he can remember. In my father's case, his experiences from his 20s are even more faded by time.

I'm grappling with what to do with a lot of my own life history to date. I want to get it all recorded, but I'm trying to decide how much of it is for public consumption and how much is better off for just me to keep squirreled away. As I've been writing in a public forum, though, it's forced me to be sure that what I write is always fair and something I'd want the world to know.

I know a lot of you maximize the amazing filtering options of LiveJournal, but how often do you write just for yourself and if so is it with a keyboard or with pen and paper?

Inspiration comes in size 10.5 AA

in

Yesterday after work, I headed downtown to find new running shoes.  Remember, I'm a lousy runner.  I thought that with my ability to make new running play lists, though, I could find a way to motivate myself.  After a lot of fretting about it, I decided to try my hand at the couch to 5K program. It was then I realized that I was using my most recent set of "running shoes" to tromp around in the mud sorting Rubbermaid tubs in my parents' backyard. I have always been a fan of New Balance because my feet are incredibly narrow and "low volume", in that they're not very tall. New Balance has a wide variety of widths and my absolute favorite shoe I've owned was a lightweight marathon shoe that was a size 10 AAAA. I still own those shoes even though they're barely adequate for mowing the lawn, but I just can't bear to see them go.

My last trip to the New Balance store, though, was less than satisfying and that's how I ended up with these ugly kicks that I only like wearing in the mud. It was time for something new. I decided to try my hand at Running Etc. so they could tell me what kind of shoe I needed.

The store is very cool because they actually watch you run and suggest what kind of shoe you should get. They first had be run in sock feet and she said "do you always run like that?". Uh, I guess so. Apparently if I'm not wearing shoes, I run up on the balls of my feet like I'm in dance class. Hooray muscle memory.

running like the windShe found me a pair of New Balance shoes in a narrow and directed me to try running again. I made it three strides and then face planted all over the carpet like there was a sniper in the store that took me out. Apparently the toe box on those shoes was a little on the big side and if you run up on the balls of your feet it's easy to trip. I was fine other than my wounded pride, so we decided to move on to other shoe options. After trying on about four different pair, I put on a pair of Asics Gel Nimbus shoes. As I made my return jog back to the bench I realized I was grinning over a pair of shoes. And when I took them off I was hesitant to give them to the sales attendant to put in the box. Apparently, I had found my favorite shoe, not surprisingly also one of the most expensive shoes in the store.

Tobias in my new shoeboxI bought a few pairs of fancy socks to complete the package and I jogged all over the downstairs of the house last night to try them out. I haven't decided if I'm going to start my first day of running/walking Friday or Saturday, but I'm hoping I'll become an honest to goodness runner someday and not just someone who scowls with envy at runners.