Grope Buggy Blue!

While driving the five hours to Blacksburg and back over the last two days, Rich and I were trying to come up with things to pass the time. It was a treat to have so many empty hours with him to just talk about whatever was in our heads. I wrote down several things he said because they were so clever, but we'll see how many of those I share over time. Somewhere along Interstate 81, we passed a blue Volkswagen Beetle and I blurted out "punch buggy blue".

Him: "But you didn't punch me."

Me: "Yeah, I've never really liked that game because it's always seemed kind of mean to punch someone you love just because you saw a car first."

Him: "I wouldn't punch you, baby."

Me: "Maybe we can just replace the punching with something else."

Him: "GROPE BUGGY BLUE!"

I don't have to tell you what we did for the rest of the drive. Rich claims he's still learning how the game works, though, because I swear several times there wasn't a Volkswagen in sight. But now it's not just fun for the first person to see the car.

Somebody has to do something first

My father says that the best thing you can hope for out of a career is the legacy you leave behind. He says people will tell you they’re working for the money, and money is nice – particularly in today’s economy. But at the end of the day, or the year or on that last day as you're driving home from work the greatest thing you can expect from it all is to look back and feel like you made a difference in people’s lives. Today we trekked to Blacksburg for my old boss Harry's retirement party. He has been at Virginia Tech since 1980 or so and the director of the Interlibrary Loan department since 1996. He was my boss from late in 1997 until June of 2000 when I moved back to Norfolk to work full time for Bossman.

Harry has become a part of my own vernacular. Every time my friends and family lament “what do stupid people do?” when confronted with something that should be so simple and proves to be so daunting, it always makes me smile. Even at the reception this afternoon we were looking for a place to set our empty plates and I said we could start a trend by using a side table we found. Harry just shrugged and said, "Well, somebody has to do something first." Everyone at the reception seemed to have a Harryism to share.

I’ve only had two bosses for any significant amount of time. But Harry touched all of our lives, and in particular my own life as one of the best bosses I’ve ever had. I’m glad his friend convinced him to go to library school, I’m grateful he took took a chance on me and had faith in me, and I’m proud to call him my friend.

The whole is greater than the sum of parts

On Tuesday while I was helping my mother sort tubs in the backyard, she was lamenting that her belly hurt. This is not an uncommon thing for Mom so we just soldiered on, but over the course of Wednesday the pain moved down so that her hip and leg were in horrible pain. She could barely walk by 6pm and Daddy had to help her from the car to the house when she got home from work. (As an aside, Perry asked if they were going to have to call paramedics to get her out of their very cluttered house and she vowed she would meet them on the porch even if it meant she had to crawl there or have Daddy carry her. Strangers weren't coming in her house.)

Today my father escorted her to the doctor's office where they discovered she has a pinched nerve in her leg. After getting Mom home, Daddy was tasked to retrieve her pain pills and other medications. The pharmacy down the street has been our pharmacy for the last 40 years or so (basically as long as they've been open) and everyone there knows my mother (she's like Norm on Cheers there). I don't think as many people recognize my father there, though, until tonight.

He was very anxious about getting Mom's pain pills as quickly as possible because she was in a lot of pain. I can't get it all straight because there were a lot of issues involved but my father took it out on at least two different pharmacies in the neighborhood. He was angry in particular that our local pharmacy didn't engage him as he came in and seemed content to ignore him in line. He was very fretful that Mom was at home in pain, he was trying to get these medications as quickly as possible and their lack of empathy wasn't helping. So he gave them a piece of his mind in the way only my father can.

I'm sure part of my father is stressed from his perceived powerlessness while seeing someone he cares about in pain. Megan has been having a lot of those same trials this week and I have seen that same look even when Rich hovers while I'm trying not to hurl in the dining room.

I think in many ways it's harder for the person who's not hurt. They want to help and lighten the load and not have to see their loved ones in pain. My mother has been a trooper through many physical ailments over the years. For most of her adult life she's had ear aches, belly aches, a bad thyroid which caused a paralyzed vocal chord, horrible teeth, breast cancer, breast reconstruction, congestive heart failure which necessitated a pacemaker and all the other things that come with age. For that same time period, my father has been the picture of health. He can't remember the last time he's ever thrown up (for my mother, her last time was Wednesday while at work). I have watched him do physical feats in the last few years that would strain those half his age. He was climbing the 30 foot tree in their front yard last week to cut it down himself. But I'm sure he would trade whatever he could just to see things be a little easier for Mom.

It's so frustrating to find a way to share the burdens that don't share easily. There are so many things that are harder for one person than the other but they're rarely the same things. Finding ways to help each other strengthens the partnership and the family. My mother was completely calm this evening if a bit uncomfortable. She's aware of her own limitations and her own body and has every faith in herself and Dad to get her through this latest hurdle. Dad was in good spirits, but I could see the worry in him as he felt helpless to do much other than fuss at the pharmacists on her behalf.

My father has always attested that if Mom had his strength she'd be dangerous. I just think the two of them together make a formidable team.