On this day in 2020

"Time are bad. Children no longer obey their parents and everyone is writing a book."

— Cicero, 43 BCE

When Daddy went to Vietnam in 1968, my parents were newlyweds. For the 366 days he was away, other than a brief honeymoon in Hawaii that August, my parents communicated only through letters. Mom sent Daddy a letter every single day. Even if it was just a few lines long, she sent something. Mom says they're all saved in a cedar chest in their house. 

I read something recently saying we should be keeping a paper journal during these historic and difficult times. I have tried, but I've found that despite my fetish for a beautifully bound journal with smooth paper, I suck at keeping paper records. 

Also, if you're anything like me, the days are all running together. Is it even still March? What was February even like, way back then? I'm here with the recommendation to use your smartphone to log the days. It doesn't have to be poetic. Just something to help you see your progress. Make a note of what you've done/learned/experienced/felt/eaten. 

I started doing this years ago. I'm not good at sitting down and writing out Jane Austen level prose about my life. But I can eke out a "Top 3" most days. For example, my Saturday entry was: 

• Grocery shopped at Harris Teeter. Picked up fabric, saw Shilo, Matt, Cindy.

• Setup Parallels again on the iMac

• Started watching Schitts Creek - it’s ok. I love David, though.

• Ian said he was “sad and hungry” tonight.

• Looked at my MRI but it doesn’t mean anything to me.

Some of those could be several paragraphs on their own, but it feels overwhelming to write it all out. These are like post-it notes for your memory. It's been great, too, because if I'm trying to remember the progress of my knee, I can find the date I started taking bike rides, the days I slept for crap, the day I got an MRI, the day I stopped wearing a brace, etc. 

I use an app called Day One. It's available for iPhone, iPad, Mac OS, and Android. It's free to have a single journal or $35/year to have unlimited journals, syncing across devices, unlimited photos, voice to text transcription, end to end encryption, and secure cloud backup. Having it on my phone is part of the success rate for me. Keeping track of and securing a physical item is way too stressful for me.

We’re all doing all we can to reduce stress.

Empty hours during an epidemic

When Rich and I were dating way back in 2003, we had a term called "Empty Hours." We lived 100 miles from each other, and while we visited frequently, there was always a deadline for the end of each visit when one of us would have to leave. We had to save conversations for those in person time slots, make sure we did certain things together, and generally always be mindful of what we could fit in. The time together was always a bit frantic because we knew it would end soon, and we didn't want to waste it.

Rich and I did eventually get more Empty Hours as we moved into the same house, got married, worked at the same office, and had a kid together. Once the initial hubbub of his hospice calmed down, we again were able to have some empty hours together, even if he wasn't much of a conversationalist those last couple weeks.

Shrop and I have been discussing parenting and what's imperative to impart to one's child. There is a lot of quality and quantity to consider. The other day, I surmised that perhaps my father was so intense about sharing his principles, in part, because he was not with me very often compared to Mom. Daddy worked two jobs in addition to maintaining rental properties. We didn't have a lot of empty hours together. Shrop nodded and offered that perhaps it's also why he is so intense about wanting to share Very Important Things with Ian when he sees him. Shrop's not in the house all the time like I am. Most heartfelt moments can't be scheduled.

With the forced time together due to COVID-19, we have the opportunity for some Empty Hours. I've seen charts about how to keep kids learning and scheduled over the next several weeks. I saw posts with activities on Saturday and Sunday when it wouldn't even usually be a schoolday or workday. We could use some time to be with each other, without a schedule or a deadline.

Many of us are still working in addition to figuring out how to feed everyone, care for loved ones safely, and keep calm. The hours are not precisely "empty". And now is not the time to make sure we all excel at our jobs and studies. MIT changed all their courses to pass/fail this semester. Let's work on passing. If our schedules are less full, we may have more room to fill up our hearts. The people closest to us are now literally closest to us, and it would be great to enjoy that as much as we can without the worry of a deadline.

Full of stars

We were driving home from hockey practice when Ian craned his neck up and exclaimed, "I can see constellations!" I was driving, and there were lots of trees.

"What do you see? It seems too cloudy to see anything."
"Well, a cloud just got in the way, but I saw some stars before that. I don't know what constellation I was looking at, but I know stars make up constellations, so I saw them."

He was so sure, so full of wonder in the face of cloud cover.

I confessed to Ian that I had never looked for constellations until I was in college. My boyfriend Jeremy drove us out to a cow field to look at them. I remember at the time being stunned that Jeremy had so much knowledge of the night sky. I focused on gaining skills that would lead to a job. I wondered if recognizing Orion's belt was something people listed as a skill.

I spent equal time that night with Jeremy looking over at his face as much as we looked at the sky. He was so sure of what was up there as if the stars were old friends of his. It was a personality so different from my own. I found it endearing.

And here was my son being just as sure.

After Ian went to bed, I started chewing on the idea of stargazing. Is it something we should all learn? Will it help us in life as much as learning the appropriate size of food to fit in one's mouth? (A skill my 10-year-old has yet to master.) If nothing else, spending some time staring up at the sky has some emotional benefits. I have never been one to have much "chill" or to enjoy being idle. There is an allure in charting the same stars others have for thousands of years. It's like a long thin thread through time.

I downloaded an app called SkyView for my phone. It can show you the constellations in the sky through the camera, overlaying the images over whatever it sees. Since it's working on GPS and direction, it doesn't need a clear night. I've enjoyed seeing what hides beneath the surface of mundane locations.

I look forward to trying it out with Ian one evening when we have fewer clouds. But even in the Philadelphia airport, it still makes things a little more magical.