Facebook Archive - December 2019

Dec 4 - Me to Ian this morning: "The people who bother you at school are the same bothersome motherfuckers you're going to run into for the rest of your life. They are woven into the fabric of society. We can't change them all. And when you're grown, you won't be able to have your mom write an email to the entirety of the Wal-Mart parking lot telling them they need to act right so you don't get frustrated. You need to decide how you're going to react to all these fools."

Dec 4 - Ian got A/B honor roll for the first quarter and the award ceremony was today.

Dec 5 - Ian was sick today. No fever but aches all over. He kept telling me how cold he was, but also refused to put on pants. Apparently Sick Day = No Pants Day. He also requested spaghetti for dinner because he watched “Elf” and Buddy ate a lot of spaghetti.

Dec 7 - Ian didn’t have hockey last week because of the holiday so he was particularly pumped for his game tonight. He got completely dressed an hour beforehand, including his helmet.

Dec 10 - Sweet Baby Jesus, help us all. Science projects are due Monday.

Dec 10 - Ian came home and immediately got dressed for 7pm practice. At 5:30pm, he was begging me to take him. He was wringing his hands over the traffic that slowed our arrival by five minutes. And when we got there, he realized he’d forgotten his elbow pads. Matt rescued him by helping him dig around in “the shed” for a set to borrow.

Dec 16 - Science projects are due today and my outgoing leader of a child doesn’t want to speak in front of his class about his project. 

Dec 17 - Ian filled out his evaluation for the theatre program he participated in this fall (and hated). I love how he added specifically “I don’t perform” as well as he phonetic spelling of “Caucasian”.

Dec 17 - Stryker versus Stryker. Uncle Lee was able to come play in the adults versus kids game tonight. Thanks to Shrop for the video while I got the still photo.

Dec 18 - Cash got his last two heartworm injections this week. Ian says his butt looks like an Enderman from Minecraft.

Dec 28 - Ian and I had to name this dish so we would be on the same page, so we’re calling it chickpea chili

Dec 30 - All the windows are open and the boys are playing soccer out back. It’s 68F on Dec 30. But I’m drinking cold eggnog so there’s that.

Facebook Archive - November 2019

Nov 1: Ian: “My hair looks like Newt!”
He’s not wrong ...

Nov 3: Dinner topics: Which NFL player had his pinkie amputated so he wouldn’t miss a season, salary caps and draft picks, what age is safe for children to start weight lifting, where your soul goes when you die, and the proper size of a mouthful of salad.

Nov 9: Ian wanted a new hairstyle. Our hairstylist James is amazing. The idea was all Ian’s, though.

Nov 16: Did you know “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective” was released 25 years ago? Ian and I watched it last night. I told him the sliding glass door scene was Daddy’s favorite and he would laugh his face off. 
“I don’t remember Daddy laughing. Well, maybe? ... before cancer.”
“I get that.”
Ian’s favorite scene was the slo-mo instant replay. He giggled so much I thought he was gonna fall off the couch.

Nov 24: Ian: “When they talk about the birds and the bees, who exactly are the birds and who are the bees?”

Nov 27: Ian's book fair was last week. I told him I would give him $10 and if he wanted to spend more, he could use his own money. 
"I can bring my $10 in Canadian money!" 
"Wut? You can't spend Canadian money at the book fair. We'd have to go to Canada for that."
"But the books all say $6.95 in US dollars or $8.95 in Canadian dollars." 
He's not wrong.

Nov 28: Ian plopped down in Thomas’ living room to put on his roller blades. Shrop told him to go out to the porch and put them on there. Ian walked out to the porch. 
A few minutes later I heard the door open and I knew my son was about to roller blade inside on the hardwood floors. I met him in the foyer. 
“What are you doing?”
“I need to get my gloves and hockey ball.”
“You can’t rollerblade inside.” 
“I was going to put on my rollerblades and get the gloves and ball on the way out but Shrop told me to go on the porch to put my rollerblades on so I had to come back inside for them.”

Facebook Archive - October 2019

October 3 - Fingers to temple. Margarita on the table. Homework is like that. Ian and I went up to this fellow mom as we left the Mexican restaurant to offer solidarity.

October 7 -We tried something new for Ian’s hair. Oh my God, blue hair dye is not for amateurs. But both bathrooms and the kitchen are spotless now.

October 7 - Ian (curled up to me at bedtime): “I found out something today. On the Internet.”
Me (holding my breath, totally casual): “Oh?”
Ian: “You can get free stickers!”

October 8 - The binder notes didn’t work out. Ian loved the drawings and info but other kids teased him so he didn’t want to open it at school. Plus he didn’t want to “read ahead” on the sheet. So we’ve switched to notes at the breakfast table. He was so pleased, he drew his own note for me on the back.

October 16 - Me: “Dude! What is this stuff in the tub?”
Ian: “Oh. I think it’s deodorant.”
Me: “What?”
Ian: “Remember how I told you my deodorant exploded? Well, I was putting on my deodorant in the shower ...”
Me: “Whoa whoa whoa. No. Why?!”
Ian: “I thought that’s what people did!”
FYI wet deodorant is disgusting

October 22 - 10 years ago, I made this person. Ian got sick Sunday night and has been coughing like crazy. I had hope he would recover quickly, but he’s still down for the count this morning on his birthday. It’s also picture day for his hockey team tonight. With luck, he’ll feel good enough for that.

October 22 - Someone is feeling better and can use his indoor S’mores maker.

October 23 - We had a parent teacher meeting this morning and I asked Ian if he had any concerns. He is upset about where he sits in one classroom and I couldn’t understand the layout. I brought out a stack of paper and said, “Draw your classroom.” I expected a squiggly Visio diagram but got this. 😂 Technically that’s from his perspective. 

October 23 - Ian assures me that his school photo looks good. I have to take his word for it since he lost the form.

October 31 - Ian: “Trick or treating is EXHAUSTING! Even if I stay home and hand out candy.”