Facebook Archive - August 2015

Aug 23 - Ian ate 1500 calories for breakfast this morning, which is more than my allotment for the entire day. I tremble for his teenage years.

Aug 27 - Ian: 'Mommy, do you love me?'
Me: 'I love you very much. All day every day. I made you!'
Ian: 'Well, Daddy did too. With that thing under his penis.'
Me: 'Testicles?'
Ian: 'Yeah, those. Daddy used his testicles and you used your belly.'
Me: 'But I would like credit for growing you for a very long time.'
Ian: 'Yeah, you grew me and Daddy made me a human.'
Me: 'Fair enough.'
Ian: 'Mommy, thank you for making me alive.'

#70months #notforwusses

Facebook Archive - July 2015

July 4 - 'Hey, Mommy, my bath water is black! How did you do that?'

We've resorted to Lava pumice soap to get the grime off of Ian. He's wrecked so many times it's hard to tell the bike chain grease from the bruises.

July 14 - Questions from the five-year-old tonight:
Why did Mommy divorce Jeremy?
Why does chili make you fart?
What's a 'drunk in a midnight choir'?
#notforwusses

July 18 - Ian just said 'for sample' instead of 'for example' and 'WALLA!' instead of 'voila'. He has a certain flair when explaining the intricacies of Minecraft. 

Also it takes all my will power not to snicker when he keeps making excited statements about his wood.

July 20 - Ian: 'Mommy can I have a hug? I promise I won't fondle your boobs.'
Me: 'Sure, you can have a hug. I appreciate you leaving my boobs alone.'
Ian: 'It's just that since you don't let me have mama milk any more I want to touch your boobs.'
Me: 'Yeah, but I'd kinda rather you didn't touch them all the time.'
Ian: 'Why? You used to let me put my mouth on them all the time and that was definitely touching them.'
#notforwusses #extendednursing #tinylawyer

July 26 - Discussing the definitions of 'products' and 'produce' with Ian as we head to the store (that sells both).

Facebook Archive - June 2015

June 9 - Rich: 'Hey, Ian, today is Mommy and my anniversary. That means we got married eight years ago today!'
Ian: 'What are we gonna do for our anniversary?'
Rich: 'Well, Mommy and I were going to go to dinner ...'
Ian (sobbing): 'I WANNA GO TOO! I WANNA GO WITH YOU!'

I need to make sure my folks light candles and pour his milk into a wine glass tonight so he can have the same experience. 
#notforwusses

June 9 - Ian: 'Aren't you going to your ceremony dinner without me? Do they have corn dogs at this restaurant? Only spicy food I wouldn't like? And grown up drinks? Well, I'm packing my suitcase of toys for Mamaw and Pop's!'

June 17 - Ian: 'I wish I had a chihuahua because they stay little and never grow up.' #gooddog

June 29 - Ian has announced he and Feenie are going to get married once they are grown ups. 
Ian: 'Are there some boys who never get married?'
Me: 'Yeah, sometimes.'
Ian: 'Are they allergic to girls?'

And now we're talking about laws and judges and voting and love.