So old and so tired

When my oldest brother Doug was around three, he and his parents (Mom and Lee) lived in a garage apartment at his grandparents' house. His great grandfather on his dad's side was living in the house and spent many an afternoon rocking in his chair on the porch reading a book. After his great grandfather died, Doug asked why. My mother explained that Great Grandaddy was just very old and very tired so it was time for him to die.

Probably a year later, Mom and Lee had divorced and she and Doug were on their own. While Lee was never very helpful when we was around, my 25-year-old mother was feeling the stress of keeping things afloat as a single mom in 1963. One day she collapsed into the chair, saying, "Oh, your momma is so old and so tired."

Doug burst into tears and ran to her sobbing, "I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!"

Rich doesn't like it when I say that I'm tired. It's not the statement, but more the tone of voice that I use - a small voice as if even making the statement wears me out. He says it worries him. So now I've found I don't actually say I'm tired much anymore, or if I do, I try to be extra cheery about it.

I'm not actually all that tired these days. But every time I'm tempted to collapse in a chair and moan a "woe is me" I think of Doug. And then I realize things aren't so bad.

Stereotypes are a real time-saver

Friday, the New York Times ran an article titled: Honey, Don’t Bother Mommy. I’m Too Busy Building My Brand. The title made me cringe and the article I could take or leave. Over the course of the weekend, several others offered rebuttals:

Honey, Don't Bother Mommy. I'm Writing a Mildly Annoyed Letter to the New York Times. Newspaper Bias Against Mom Bloggers An Open Letter to the New York Times About Mom Bloggers, Women Writers & the Universe

I started to pen this whole analysis of the original article and follow up ones, but frankly, I ran out of steam. Each article (including even the original one from the New York Times) had some really great points and some lines that made me roll my eyes. So I'll let you peruse those at your leisure.

The articles above actually got me thinking more about gender roles and stereotypes. Rich and I discuss it a lot when we watch television. If you watch commercials, I'm sure you know that all men are stupid and all women are nags. Men are just as messy as the kids and need to be cleaned up after, so you better get those name brand paper towels. Women are fickle but if you give her diamonds she'll probably have sex with you. It's unilaterally insulting.

Jeremy and I ran across these assumptions, particularly when we were baron and baroness in the SCA. It was important to us that people coordinated with both of us versus only me. We didn't want us to fall into rolls of him being a dancing bear and me being the bitchy organized one. It was a great lesson in using "We" instead of "I" and helped our marriage too.

The other day I sent this article to Rich: Please Get My Husband to Stop Helping Around the House. It actually led to an argument later that evening. We're probably both a little sensitive about things like that these days, but I got annoyed that he washed the diapers because I wanted to try something new and I hadn't explained it to him yet. We're falling all over ourselves trying to help our collective household and we're getting in each other's way sometimes. It's something that sitcoms and stand-up comics and newspapers and television exploit. But the truth is usually a lot more complicated.

Rich, who until meeting me claimed to not like cats at all, is solely responsible for cleaning the cat boxes. I am the designated lawn mower in our house, even when seven months pregnant (though we did just buy a new mower and I'll probably let him have the maiden ride around the yard just because the old mower was such a thorn in his side). We each do our own laundry. Rich is much more vigilant with the vacuum than I am. I do 90% of the cooking, though Rich is making real progress in that area. I showed Rich how to do his own sewing project on Saturday. Our lives, and roles, are not quite what Johnson & Johnson, NBC or the New York Times would have you believe.

Do you think men suffer from gender stereotypes as much as women do? Do you think media is more biased than individuals are? Do you get annoyed when you do things that are stereotypical of your gender/race/age/nationality? Do stereotypes ever serve a purpose?

Getting our busy kitty back

We weren't in the market for a third cat, but Tobias inserted himself into our lives.

That would be our bed at 2:30am. I woke up with a baby in one armpit and a cat in the other. Hypothetically I'm supposed to be able to fit back between them.

But this isn't about our co-sleeping habits. This is about our cat.

Last week, Tobias was feeling a little under the weather. We noticed because he wasn't his usual busy self but had spent an hour under the dining room table. This is not Tobias' style. His style is right smack dab in the middle of whatever you're doing. I have changed many a diaper with both the baby and the cat vying for space on the changing table. I'm not even sure that getting peed on would deter him.

Anyways, we decided to take Tobias to the emergency vet. $1700 and four days later, we got our cat back, good as new. Turns out he had a urinary blockage that required a catheter for several days and some antibiotics. They said he should get a follow up in a week and we would probably have to change him over to prescription cat food for life. Not wanting to risk the chance of another large vet bill, we scheduled our follow up appointment.

Friday Rich took him to the vet and she said he looked perfectly healthy. His bladder was so clean and he was so free of infection, they're not actually sure how it happened in the first place. She prescribed another two weeks of antibiotics to be on the safe side but said we didn't necessarily need to change over the cat food. We're going to wait and see on that.

My father of course flipped out at the vet bill. He said they couldn't have any more pets because he couldn't stomach paying that much for an animal. Having seen how happy their pets make him, I may fork over the cost for any large vet bills they may have.

And since Tobias is one of his favorite cats, I think he's secretly happy we got him all fixed up good as new.