I'm not sure if I'm passing or failing - probably both

The new insulin pump (Minimed 522) will be here by Friday. And since I've already met my deductible this year (back in May I think) it will be 100% covered by insurance. Bill from Minimed called to get my shipping address and we talked about how I also want to get the continuous glucose monitor sensors (the ones that cost $35 each or so).

Bill: "No problem. You just need to send me 30 days worth of your blood sugar results and have at least five times when it's gone below 50mg/dL." (As a reminder, the normal non-diabetic range is 80-120mg/dL.)

Me: "And if I don't have readings that have gone that low?"

Bill: "Well, just compile what you have and we'll see."

I then started transferring my readings from the blood meter into Excel. I have a cable at home somewhere that will do that for me (I think) but I wanted to get them sent to Minimed as soon as possible. As I transferred more and more numbers I realized I hadn't seen a reading in the 40s yet.

In the three months of test results I went through, I only found three times my blood sugar dropped below 50 and was recorded on the meter. Even the time when I was sitting on the floor** and thought I would puke? That was only a reading of 58.

Ironically, my blood sugar was probably in the 40s this morning around 5:30am. I woke up in a sweat, realized I was low and stumbled to the cabinet. I chugged my bottle of Sunny Delight (31g of carbs) and stumbled back to bed, hoping the shivers would stop soon so I could fall asleep. When I woke up this morning my blood sugar was a very respectable 113. My sugar was probably in the 40s a few hours before, but I didn't need to test. I knew it was low and based off the panic I felt, I knew it was really low. I don't need to spend $0.75 on a test strip to tell me that.

But apparently I should. In order to justify the CGM sensors, I have to have perilously low blood sugar readings documented for the month. What I found instead was that my blood sugar has been disturbingly high at least once a day for weeks. It's appalling. 244, 182, 360, 257. The more I recorded those numbers the more the patterns set in. In the month of November my blood sugar only dropped below 50 once but rocketed over 200 32 different times. I can't go 24 hours without my blood sugar doing something insane. It's embarrassing.

Really, that's the part that bothers me. In order to justify my sensors I had to fax my diabetic dirty laundry to the insurance company. It would be like insurance not agreeing to pay for depression meds until you faxed them copies of your journal entries about how much you hate yourself. On the one hand you hope your journal entries are cringe-worthy enough to merit them paying the $350 a month for sensors. But on the other hand, it's a little hard to face right there in black and white.

I called Bill before I sent the fax to tell him I didn't have a lot of low blood sugar readings because I don't normally test then. He said this was just a first step and that with the number of high readings in my log may convince them to cover the sensors. He reassured me that even if it was initially denied once they get a letter from my doctor it's almost always covered. I hope that works or I'm printing these blog posts and sending them to Anthem.

** I insisted that Rich take a picture of me when my blood sugar was low. I've become kind of insane about documenting things, and that irrationality was in full force with low blood sugar. Rich took the picture because I asked but he hated doing it and I may as well have asked him to punch me in the face. Part of me wanted to upload it to Flickr's Diabetes Made Visible group and part of me wanted to delete the image forever. So anybody but Rich, feel free to click and look. Diabetes isn't always pretty.

No really, what the hell am I doing right now?

Genie is still not sure how she feels about Facebook. I like being able to keep up with old friends from high school who would not otherwise read my blog or be aware of my doings. It just seems like one more place for me to update my life other than all the places I already am.

I have photos online; they're on Flickr. I have status updates; they're through Twitter (and don't force me to refer to myself in the third person). I don't need to write on walls when I can send an email or text or send direct messages via Twitter.

Ironically the people I want to see how they're doing after 15 years all have children as their profile pictures. I'm glad you have kids, really, but when I'm trying to remember if you're the Megan I shared AP calculus with, your toddler isn't helping jog my memory. Then again, my current profile photo features me dressed in a full bunny costume drinking coffee. That should help them remember me.

I don't need to throw snowballs or water imaginary plants or take a quiz to find out which planet I'm most like. Again, it's great for other folks but it's really not my bag. I block all those applications.

As I list all these things I hate about Facebook, I'm starting to feel like a great big curmudgeon who's raining on everyone else's social networking parade. Facebook is a gateway drug to lots of other sites. I really enjoy hearing from folks I would otherwise be completely out of touch with. I like the idea that if my old high school friends want to send me a Christmas card, I could give them access to my contact information through Facebook. And this weekend Facebook really saved my ass.

Saturday was a hockey charity game in Charlottesville. A fair number of players' wives showed up to cheer on the team and help out the Richmond Hockey Fights Cancer cause. There's a trend in the hockey circle that all the ladies are known only as [player]'s wife. There's Rusty's wife, Buncy's wife, Richie's wife (that's me) and Jay's wife. Everyone knows the players (or at least their last names written on their jerseys) but the wives' names get lost in the shuffle. As one of those wives it gets awkward when we're all in a room and realize we aren't really sure of each other's names but feel like we're supposed to know them. I see these women four times a year or so. They're all great women but the names just don't stick for me.

We got to the rink and as I walked in I saw Jay and his wife and baby. I started to freeze. Shit, I can't remember Jay's wife's name. Laura? No, that's Lee's girlfriend. Laurie? No I think I made that up. And then there was the baby - I couldn't even remember if it was a boy or a girl! The last time I saw them was only a few weeks after she delivered and that was months ago. The rink wasn't that crowded and I knew they were headed our way.

Me: "Hey ... you guys! How are ... you all ... doing?"

Whew, so far so good. Think, dammit, think. Was she always wearing those glasses?

Me: "And how is your little bundle of joy?"

Jay's wife: "Oh he's fine. He's a little over 4 months old now."

Wow, that was a close one. I'll wait a little bit and try to remember his name. But her! What the hell is her name?

We parted ways for a moment and I immediately grabbed my iPhone. Jay is one of my Facebook friends and we're both fans of Richmond Hockey Fights Cancer. His "wall" may offer me some clues. Damn his time - his profile picture is a little baby. At least I'm sure it's him already. Oh ... getting closer ... he's been updating his status recently. I switched to the info tab and it says he's married to Lauren. Hallelujah we have a name! I was so close before, but I didn't want to mumble my way through it for the next two hours. I've been called Jenny enough to know the irritation of someone confidently misremembering my own name.

So for all the other internet scenes I haunt these days I still haven't quite gotten comfortable when it comes to Facebook. Am I missing the boat or is it just the french vanilla to the vanilla I'm already enjoying? Are you using Facebook and what the hell are you doing on there (and why haven't you friended me yet)?

Chocolate chess pie

I just had a huge plate of leftovers (including some extra side dishes we didn't even have on Thursday), the chocolate pies are ready and I can see a few Christmas lights on the porch peeking through the blinds. All in all, things are pretty good today. I remember my father arguing that chocolate chess pie wasn't a pretty pie and so we shouldn't take it to parties or holiday dinners. I'm not sure if he still feels that way, but as a kid it was always one of my favorite desserts my mother would make. It's also ridiculously easy to make, so long as you take care to add the egg slowly and not overcook it.

1 pie crust (regular - not deep dish) 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter 1 cup sugar 1 oz. package of liquid chocolate (Nestle sells it in a yellow box. The liquid is way better than block for this.) 2 eggs, unbeaten

Melt the stick of butter on low heat. Add the sugar and chocolate to make a fudge mixture. Slowly add the egg and continue stirring to keep the egg from cooking once it touches the hot chocolate. I generally add about half of the chocolate mix to the egg and then all of that back into the rest of the chocolate mix.

Be careful not to stir the mixture too much (which I always do) or it will try to fluff up. Pour the mix into the pie shell and cook at 325 degrees for 25-30 minutes. Let cool and enjoy!

chocolate chess pie