The rainbow connection

I went to my psychiatric nurse practitioner the other day for my Zoloft refill. I'm still dutifully taking 50mg a day since returning to work from maternity leave. She asked me how things were and if I had any issues to bring up. I hesitated to mention it but all the same, "I can't remember the last time I cried. I'm not sure it's really a problem, but after all the tears being pregnant and postpartum, it just seems unusual. I mean, I got pretty misty reading a blog post last week, but actual tears haven't happened." She looked at me thoughtfully. "Have you watched the Blind Side?"

"Um, no. Some co-workers mentioned it, but I haven't gotten around to it. Is it good?"

"It's out on HBO now. Go rent it. If you watch the whole movie and don't cry, call me. But if you cry watching that movie, then you're fine."

It seemed like a fair enough assignment.

Saturday night, Rich had taken Ian upstairs for bed while I started sorting through photos and songs for his one year slide show. I was deep in the throws of exactly how that tiny little peanut turned into our huge son. He used to be in my belly and then he was nine pounds of squish I never put down. Now I've got this carpal tunnel thing going on and that peanut is closer to 25 pounds and super long and wants to walk (run, really) versus be held. That little baby that stayed up all night with me during maternity leave and was so hard to leave for work is now this busy little boy who's on the Toddler Schedule and looks up from his activity table nonchalantly when I pick him up from day care.

I heard footsteps on the stairs but when Rich showed up in the doorway he still had a baby in his arms. Ian was obviously tired but just couldn't fall asleep. And in my tinkering around on the computer to pick songs, Sarah McLachlan's the Rainbow Connection started playing. So I turned the lights down low, clicked the repeat button and my little boy and I slow danced over and over while he buried his head in my chest and sucked his thumb. He was in a little onesie like he used to wear back in the day. It was the weekend so we had no Toddler Schedule. It was just like old times. We swayed back and forth and then rocked in the chair.

He's much bigger now. His long legs get tangled up in my own and it strains my back to hold him for very long. But slumped in the chair with him sighing under my chin, it was 11 months ago and I was holding my little boy with no other cares in the world. And the tears came. Just a few at first, but they came all the same. Real tears. Good tears. Tears to mourn what we can't go back and relive but also to celebrate what an incredibly lucky year we've had full of joy and achievements. I made a person. And he came out perfect and he has been well loved and he knows who his mama is and that's who he wanted to hold him while he drifted off to sleep.

I may not rent that movie any time soon, but I think we'll be just fine.

Feeding a toothless toddler

We didn't necessarily plan it this way, but Rich and I have divided labors so that I'm in charge of baby input and he's in charge of baby output. That means that Rich washes, dries, stuffs and preps the cloth diapers for day care and I buy, prepare and package Ian's meals for day care. We're both still responsible for actually getting food into him and dirty diapers off of him as needed. Since our son is 11 months old and has just started to show the tiniest buds of bottom teeth, he hasn't really been able to chew much that's tough. The larger issue is that he wants to feed himself but we need to make sure he won't shove an entire steak down his gullet. I've tried a few of the pre-packaged toddler meals and they are absolutely disgusting. I have a firm rule that I won't feed him anything that I wouldn't eat myself.

I'm not into making tons of food and freezing it, for whatever reason. I much prefer the "crap, I need something for Ian's food tomorrow, what's in the fridge I can prep real quick?" plan. So below are some of our favorites.

Meats Rotisserie chicken. I buy one every Sunday and use it to dice into bite-sized pieces for him all week. Thinly sliced deli turkey, cut up Crab meat. Not krab meat, mind you, but the real stuff. This is only on special occasions since it costs approximately $1000 per pound. That reminds me, I need to make crab cakes with the rest.

Fruits and Veggies Half a banana. Strawberries or blueberries (only if in season) Grapes cut in half (such a pain to make, though)

Sauteed spinach. Each leaf is a mouthful and Ian loves it! Sauteed mushrooms, cut up Sauteed squash. I buy one and it lasts for a week of lunches. Baby carrots. I take 4 and put them in a bowl of water in the microwave for 2 minutes. Broccoli florets, boiled til very soft Sweet potato. I put one in the toaster oven for an hour to bake it and then cut it up over the week.

Snacks Puffs. Thank you Target for all those little rice puffy things. The little fruit flavored ones and the larger veggie ones are big hits. They also have these Mum mum veggie rice surfboard shaped things that are tasty.

Rice bars. If you break it into little pieces, it helps.

YoBaby yogurt. This stuff is so tasty! They sell a 12 pack of them at BJs Wholesale Club for $6.49 but it's hard to find in my regular grocery stores. Ian eats one every afternoon for a snack. Other yogurts gross me out because they're so sugary.

Fig Newtons. This is a recent discovery and he does pretty well with self-feeding. Though I did notice some fig residue on the back of my sweatshirt the other day.

Dining Out Panera will sell you an extra baggie of chicken like they put on the salads for $1. It's free-range, hormone free and very tender. I used to share the chicken with Ian out of my salad til I realized he was eating almost all of it!

When we get sushi, Ian gets a little bowl of sushi rice and a few slices of avocado. I'll also give him a piece of tofu out of my miso soup if I'm feeling generous.

Most restaurants have broccoli cheddar soup and Ian loves it. I'll add it to my meal for a small fee and it fills him up.

Experimental I've tried scrambled eggs and cheddar cheese but Ian doesn't seem to be a fan. I did make cheese toast (cut up small) once and he liked that but WOW that was a lot of work for not much food going in his belly. We also tried pork chops the other night, which he liked but I had to pre-chew to get it tender enough for him. Not really something I can tell the ladies at day care to do!

What are some other ideas I can use for feeding our growing boy?

P.S. In case you didn't see my Twitter/Facebook updates, my post about two shirts got syndicated at BlogHer.com. Check it out!

Great Day

Today has been such a great day, I feel I need to write it down for the record. Rich left with Travis for an SCA event at 7:30 this morning, leaving Ian and I on our own. I lounged in bed reading the Internet on the iPad while Ian slept until 9am!

We rallied for breakfast at home (he had banana and veggie rice biscuit thingies, I had yogurt and oatmeal) and then after a quick diaper change (where I felt so smart because I knew a poop was coming so I left him in a disposable for breakfast) we headed out to a local yard sale.

The yard sale happens twice a year and they have tons of clothes. I picked up two stuffed grocery bags of clothes for Ian for $20 in under an hour and we were back home in time for some playing and then lunch.

I sauteed mushrooms and spinach for my sandwich wrap and Ian's a la carte lunch (the boy loves him some spinach and mushrooms) and we had a tasty lunch. Then it was time for a nap. We snuggled in the bed for a bit until he fell asleep around 12:30. I briefly pondered getting up to clean the house while he napped, but thought better of it and we both napped soundly until 2:45. That was awesome.

He woke up chatting and grinning and we headed downstairs for a snack. Yo baby yogurt (love that stuff!) was had and then Mom called. We took the dog out for a long walk that ended at my parents' house. Ian entertained them for several hours while we watched a fascinating documentary on moonshine. My father laughed and smiled huge smiles and took Ian down to show him off to the neighbors. He commented several times about how we could sell tickets to spend time with him.

Then it was time to head back home. We regrouped, got a fresh diaper and headed out to Panera for dinner. I swear I could eat there every day for all meals. My favorite cashier Ashley was there and we chatted about the baby. He finished all his chicken, mushrooms, spinach and carrots as well as a good chunk of my broccoli cheddar soup while I indulged in my french toast bagel (they make those with cinnamon and crack, I'm convinced). Then it was a quick stop at the drive thru pharmacy so they'll stop calling me about my prescription every day and home for a bath.

Bath time is one of my favorite things these days, as is Ian's. I start the water running and he stands at the edge of the tub hooting with joy and desperately lifting one leg to try to crawl in. We both climbed in and played with the frat cups of water (best bath toy ever!) Then we had our typical nursing in the tub time where he looks up and notices there are boobs in the tub too! This bath just gets better and better! So he nursed while I poured frat cups of water over him to keep him warm and he giggled as the water tickled his belly.

After bath time it's typically time for extended naked nursing. I don't even try to put a diaper on him because he just gets impatient that there are boobs RIGHT THERE and why aren't we nursing instead of messing with all this diaper nonsense! So we curled up in the bed while he was still wrapped in a towel (just in case) and snuggled and nursed until he got sleepy. Then he rolled over, sighed and fell asleep. I waited a few minutes to make sure he was really out and then put his bed time diaper on him (we use disposables for overnight and cloth during the day).

And now it's not even 9pm and since I had a great big nap today I feel energized to get some stuff done. There's laundry going and I might even break out the sewing machine in a bit. But first I might try a bit of yoga to round out such a fine day.

I know all this may seem pretty mundane but it was just so incredibly stress-free and joyful and pleasant I feel like I need to write it down so I can go back and read it when I'm having a crappy day. I missed seeing our friends, but today is exactly what I was needing to recharge from the week.

Hope you're all having a restful weekend too!