DLand - The More Things Change

Sooooo freakin' tired. Man, I can't remember the last time I've been this tired. It's like the days are all running together.I remember Colin getting up Saturday morning in the hotel room and me hiding under my pillow because all I wanted to do was sleep. I remember nodding my head as I drove home Monday morning, desperately wanting to get home and go to bed as opposed to work. I even fell asleep in the driveway once I got there. I remember dragging our sorry butts out of the Rollins show and immediately into bed only to have the alarm go off way too freakin' early Tuesday morning. I vaguely remember getting on a plane yesterday evening and heading to Connecticut. And I definitely don't remember anything between the runway in Philly and the concourse in Hartford/Springfield. I was in bed last night around midnight, up this morning at 2:30 to change my insulin pump tubing (was too tired before and figured it would wake me up when it ran out), up again at 6:30 to head to my training class and now back on a plane heading home. I feel like the American jewelry dealer who comes to London in that movie Snatch. So as Jeremy would say, this is what I learned today/last night. I learned that Outlook limits email inbox sizes to 2 GB. I also learned that somewhere during my flights, my inbox became 2057MB (apparently that's 25,236 emails). So I'm truncating my inbox so I can clean it out. I guess this is my object lesson for being a pack rat. In other news, I've been annoyed at my blood sugar lately. It seems to go low when I don't really have time for it. And then it goes low with a vengeance. I seem to get hit harder now by blood sugars in the 40's or 50's - or at least in different ways. Mostly I cry a lot more. I think it's stress related in that my body is taxed to a certain degree and then adding this fatigue on top of it just turns me into a blubbering ball of helplessness. Stubbornness has held out this long in my life at keeping going with low blood sugar but it seems that in the long run, I should just start carrying more snacks around with me until I figure out why it's going low so often. The Henry Rollins spoken word was very good. But Rich is right in that he's getting more preachy in his old age - more crochety. Maybe we were both just tired. Hank's still a beautiful man, though, and I got all giggly just watching him. It was one of those things where he would raise his arm to make a point and I would marvel at his tattoos and his muscle definition as well as whatever he was ranting about. It was hard not to squeal right there in the audience. Despite being so exhausted, I had a very nice time last night. Brian, Jeremy, Ann, Rich and I all had dinner downtown before the show and chatted it up. I'm sure there's some small contingent of the world who might say I don't deserve it, but I'm glad that Jeremy and I are friends. I'm glad that I can talk to him and be genuinely happy for him. Jeremy and I aren't together, but I still care about him. I'll miss him when he goes to California and I look forward to the opportunity to visit if he'll have me. Sure he does stuff that drives me crazy, just like I still do the same to him - that's human nature. But it takes on a different slant when that person isn't your responsibility. And he still does stuff that makes me proud. So our relationship has changed a lot over the years (duh). But I'm not willing to throw it away completely as long as he isn't. I can't say that everyone should or could have the relationship that Jeremy and I have now. I just think it's a lot easier on both of us this way.

DLand - Uncomfortable Questions

Dangit, I have lots to say and feel about Colin's entry but not a lot of time today. I still haven't filled you all in on my trip to Philly and everything else that's been happening over the past few weeks. But we'll start with this for now.Were I to see those two men kissing on the Metro, my reaction would have been to grin at them and go back to what I was doing. Maybe they were newlyweds. I like seeing two people who are obviously in love or even in lust enjoying each others' company. I don't need them to re-enact a scene from “Blowjob on the Orient Express” in front of me, but mostly because that's tacky in general. But I take some vicarious joy in seeing any two people happy like that. I would be much happier to see them kissing than to see one of them alone and crying or to watch a married couple obviously fighting in an adjacent car. As for how I would explain it to a child, I thought back to when I was a little kid and was watching television with my mother. I must have been six-ish so that would have made it the early 1980's when the AIDS crisis was fresh and still primarily a gay issue. There was a “made for TV” movie on about a man who was gay and his family's reaction. I remember distinctly turning to my mother and asking her what it meant when they called him “gay.” She told me plainly that gay meant “he likes men more than he likes women or in the same way that other men like women.” And I said, “oh, ok.” And that was that. That was our big conversation about homosexuality. I remember being slightly confused by the angry look on the movie father's face but I knew that my parents didn't have that look, so it must be alright (or nothing to get worked up about). And I remember later in my teenage life talking to my parents about other parents expressing dismay over their own adult children being homosexual. My parents general reaction was, “So what. There are a lot of other worse things your kid could tell you. He or she is healthy and happy and can still get a job (nowadays) and possibly even still give you beautiful grandchildren. What's for you to worry about? Would you rather they tell you he just robbed a bank or she has cancer or even that she's a smoker (something controllable and far more likely to hurt her).” So overall, I'm sad that those men made Colin uncomfortable. I don't know that Colin can protect his children (or any parent can) from a situation that he may not be comfortable explaining. Every parent talks about the awkward question that a child asks years before the parent is ready to answer it. It would be like shielding a child from death, homelessness, guns or - to use more “deviant” examples body piercings, tattoos, or vegans. Were I a child, I would rather have Colin tell me his views on homosexuality than hear it from some ignorant classmate who heard it from some joke his father told. And were I Colin, I would rather want the opportunity to explain homosexuality to my kids at any age (or better yet, at multiple stages of their lives) rather than protect them from it. I worry more about having to explain in a calm way to my (hypothetical) child about why that man is yelling and why the lady with him is crying.

DLand - I'm Making a Friggen House Here!

This is a jiffy update as I have more desire than time for this right now. We are in the throws of preparing for our big conference which is at the end of this week. I have a class I'm teaching on reporting on Thursday and I have yet to make handouts or finalize my agenda. Nothing like the last minute!This weekend was wonderful. We went to see the Leafs play the Capitals on Friday night and I had the pleasure of watching the Leafs be victorious. That was my consolation for being one of about 10 Leafs fans in the stands. We must stick together, eh. Regan came along for the game and she was an absolute jewel. She was obviously tired, but was less fussy than I think even I would have been in the same situation. Jason and Shannon have a fabulous little girl. Saturday was spent puttering about with Kevin and Jake and David while I built a house. Ok, so I sewed the roof of the pavilion together, but it's much more satisfying when I think of it as creating shelter rather than idling away at a sewing machine. Now to design the border for the roof and then I can build the walls in February. Jason and Rich worked on a shield and Shannon made the world's cutest garb for Regan to wear this weekend while Jake finished the fabulously red cotehardie. All in all we were kicking crafty butt. Sunday was spent watching sports and doing a bit of work online. I was hoping Philly would have made it to the Bowl, but I'm okay with Tampa Bay getting it. I was interested in the Raiders game, but fatigue took over and I literally fell asleep on the sofa in mid-sentence. “Wow that was a neat move I bet ... he ... *snore* ....” I barely remember going to bed. Contacts still in, socks still on ... I'm amazed I didn't have my ballcap still on. I regret missing Ice Castles this year. I would like to see that transition in person and congratulate everyone involved. But alas, work calls and I will be wowing librarians with my statistical knowledge and charms. Now it's back to flowcharts and database diagrams for me.