I came downstairs for work on Monday and noticed that Ian was asleep in my office (which also has our guest bed). The HVAC repairman was coming to fix the AC upstairs, so I assumed he just got hot. I went about my morning routine, and Ian woke up around 9:30 am. I asked if he had gotten hot. "No. Bugs were crawling all over me, so I came down here."

What bugs? He'd mentioned seeing some bugs a couple of days before, but when I went to look, I didn't see anything. This time, I brought all four pillows downstairs because he said they were inside them. They were crawling with bugs.

We had bed bugs.

You know what you don't need in addition to a pandemic, learning in place, economic uncertainty, city-wide curfews, and riots? Bed bugs.

I immediately messaged Bossman and told him I was not going to be doing any more work that day because I had a crisis on my hands. I knew I didn't want to dig too deeply on the Internet at bed bug stories because it would just make me freak out and not help.

I found a plan, and I took action. I did 12 loads of laundry on hot, each load drying in the dryer on high heat for an hour. I found the nest on Ian's box spring, which is thankfully a plastic platform with a removable fabric cover. Everything that could go in the washer/dryer in Ian's room went in black garbage bags for transport to the laundry room. Once they were clean, they were put in smaller white kitchen trash bags and moved to a clean room staging area.

Every piece of furniture was disassembled, scrubbed, and dusted. I covered everything in Ian's room in diatomaceous Earth (which I just happened to already have in my house, thank you, Daddy). I was covered in diatomaceous Earth most of Monday. I scrubbed, vacuumed, and rotated every mattress in the house. I dragged furniture away from the walls to clean behind them. I have done more physical exercise this week that an entire CrossFit gym. Forget flipping tires, try putting a king size mattress in a full encasement by yourself. I washed both dogs and all their dog beds.

Wednesday, the more potent bug killer (Cimexa) came from Amazon, and I added that all around Ian's room. It kills bed bugs within three days versus the 14 that diatomaceous Earth takes. It's also $16 for four ounces.

I am so tired.

But I think I have done everything I could possibly do to remove these pests during a pandemic. All of our furniture is leather, but I've vacuumed and dusted the crevices. I've vacuumed the entire house multiple times over. I've encased every mattress and pillow in the house in bed bug proof cases. I spent $500 at Bed Bath & Beyond. I took two days off work to tear my house apart and put it back together.

I may have inadvertently contained the infestation all along. Since sheltering at home, I have insisted Ian put on fresh clothes each morning, so he wasn't taking the shirt he slept in and wearing it all over the house. He's spent most of his time in his room versus downstairs. Because we have two dogs that shed a lot, I vacuum the entire house twice a week. I change the sheets on my bed once a week and on Ian's bed every ten days or so.

We can't know for sure that I got them all yet, but I can't think of any other reasonable things that I could do at this point. I'm not buying a $2000 portable oven to put my downstairs furniture in or throwing out all our books. We're not torching the place and moving.

I told my mother that first day (and Shrop said to me that night), to eat an elephant, you must do it one bite at a time. This week I have been eating an elephant, and I've finished the work. I still think of new places I could put the Cimexa insecticide, but they are long shots for potential nests.

The bite marks on Ian's arms are clearing up already. I still have no bites on me. My house is already generally pretty clean, but it is exceptionally so now.

I kept my sanity during it all, but it was touch and go at times. I didn't take any Xanax this week, but I thought about it a few times. Instead, I used the physical exertion of cleaning to wear down the sharp edges of my anxiety. I stuck to the plan. And I didn't sound the alarm on the Internet until I finished the work. I knew that if someone told me "OMG YOU HAVE TO ENCASE THE ENTIRE HOUSE IN PLASTIC AND BAKE IT AT 350 FOR AN HOUR I KNOW A LADY WHO HAD TO SELL EVERYTHING AND MOVE TO THE DESERT THEY CAN LIVE AND TRANSFER ON CLOTH MASKS HIDE YO WIFE HIDE YO KIDS" I would have a panic attack and need to block half my friends on Facebook. That's still a possibility, so comment wisely.

I don't have a thesis statement. I can't make a parallel between the infestation of my house and the current state of affairs in the US. I just wanted to document my week and reassure you that this is survivable. If you ever find bed bugs in your life, I can offer some tips.