I splurged the other day on DNA tests for the dogs. I feel a little ridiculous even typing that, but it didn't keep me from ordering kits on Amazon.

Mollie is the potpourri of dog breeds. My dad said she's like Heinz 57 sauce. She is one-quarter Rottweiler, which we had guessed. But she is also part beagle, Chow, collie, lab, Jack Russell, and "other" breeds.

I'm saying it's the beagle in her that gets into the trash can. It's likely the Chow that barks at the front door like she'll eat your face off. I'm not sure which breed makes her scared of the microwave beeping. It has been fun to look at her with new eyes after over a decade and wonder about her traits.

As for Cash, we suspected he was mostly German Shepherd. We now officially know he's 62.5% German Shepherd and 12.5% White Swiss Shepherd (ironic since he's all black). Then he's still one-eighth Chow and one-eighth lab. I think that might be true for all dogs here? Those two particular dogs are making the rounds around town.

I've never had a German Shepherd. I've had smart dogs before. We had a lab mix who was very smart, but very much had his agenda (which may not align with yours). Casey was part border collie, but he had a variety of other hang-ups that kept him from exploring his full potential.

Cash is smarter than some humans I have met. If he does something he shouldn't, you only have to tell him once, and then he doesn't do it anymore. Ever. It's weird. He patrols the house. He searches for things. He lives to serve. He might be allowed a concealed carry permit.

The challenge now is finding things to keep him busy, mainly since he can't be super active until after he is clear of heartworms. If he doesn't get enough interaction and stimulation during the day, he is incorrigible at bedtime.

Adding to that, he has not been an indoor dog before, as best I can tell. He will happily use the dog door if left alone or if we're downstairs with him. But at night, he won't leave the bedroom to go all the way downstairs and outside in the dark to pee. He pees in the closet or Ian's room instead.

We tried crating him to keep the urine controlled, but some nights he is so wound up, he tries to bust out. I'm afraid he'll hurt himself. Last night I put his leash on him and made him sleep next to my bed while I looped the handle over my arm. It wasn't ideal, though he was willing to forego patrols if he could sleep right by me where he could guard us.

Today, I've done a lot of research on how to give the dog more "enrichment" so that he stays out of trouble. I filled a Kong with a mixture of peanut butter, yogurt, canned pumpkin, and dog food, then froze it. I filled another Kong ball with rotisserie chicken and am pleased that it's lasted him over an hour working on it. I hid treats all over the house for him to discover. I ordered a "snuffle mat" that hides his food within it for meals.

Mollie is so low maintenance in all of this. I hand fed her some rotisserie chicken, and she has taken a nap the last hour while Cash has wrestled with the Kong ball. That’s not to say that she’s lazy. We’ve been going on walks every night and she’s lost a little weight. And she was certainly feeling spry enough to rip through the cat door when I accidentally locked her in my bedroom. But it’s interesting how she’s not really into treats or games or a part time job. She would be content on the couch or in her perfectly dug hole by the side porch. Mollie is all about Netflix and chill.

We're doing better. My advice is to be prepared to up your game if you get a dog that's smarter than you.