I have been incredibly upbeat about Rich's cancer, but when we went to Tennessee at the beginning of May for his orientation and initial dosage, I got a little sad. As we went over the details of Rich's treatment on that first day, they reminded us that while in pill form and with minimal side effects, this is still considered chemotherapy. As a chemotherapy patient, Rich and I are not supposed to create any new lives while this drug is in his system. Therefore, any plans we would have for a second child are on hold as long as he's taking these drugs. They instructed that it would take 60 or 90 days after his last treatment before they felt like everything was out of his system. We couldn't take that kind of break from the drug trial without forfeiting his participation. So if Rich stopped treatment for us to get pregnant, he would have to wait for another trial to become available. That didn't seem like a good idea. And so, no babies any time soon.

We are unclear how long Rich will need this drug trial treatment. It could be over a year, depending on how the CT scans look. It's all up in the air. So as we waited for more blood work for Rich, I sat in the next room and looked like this.

In the grand scheme of things, this is the best plan. I can't imagine being the Chancellor of Optimism while either pregnant or tending to a newborn. We watched my six-month-old nephew the other day and that one evening gave me an idea of how bedtime can be touchy with a super tired three-year-old along with a super tired baby. Everyone has her limits. Rich also tends to worry when I'm pregnant so he doesn't need that stress on top of his worries about his own health. Again, everyone has his limits. So it makes sense to wait. But I had started thinking about our next foray into parenthood and was even getting a little excited about it. So it was just a bummer all around.

After the first six weeks of Rich's treatment, though, I've come around to this plan. We have our hands full at the moment with Ian and regular flights to Nashville. It's a bit of a luxury to only have one kid in our house while that one kid is under the age of four. Rich and his brother are five years apart and thick as thieves. My two older brothers are 6.5 and 18 years older than I am and we're all doing great.

We do want more kids (well, we've at least agreed on one more). We just have to wait for now. I promise you'll get a memo as soon as operation sibling is a success. But the three of us are having a good time in the meantime.