All of our bathroom hand soap is perched on top of the cabinet over the toilet.

This is because our son cannot be trusted to be judicious in his use of hand soap. Everything is extremes with him. He will fight you to not wash his hands as if that bathroom sink is his Waterloo only to discover the water is amazing and attempt to spend 30 minutes scrubbing up as if prepping for surgery.

I started to lose my temper with Ian several times today. Mostly it was when he was getting all punchy and I was trying to restrain him and my elbows felt like they were going to explode. There were several discussions through gritted teeth today.

But it also broke my heart to hear him calling out in his sleep at 5am "No, Mommy! Leave me alone!" in the same plaintive way he does when I'm carrying him up to bed. Poor kid was having bad dreams about going to bed while in bed.

Emotions are raw in the house these days. Rich has a significantly lower patience threshold for shenanigans and the daily life of a three-year-old is rife with shenanigans. So I feel as though I'm holding the entire container of patience for the household in my arms over the course of the day and I'm trying to share it with Rich and even Ian while still leaving some for myself. Sometimes, supplies get low.

We went on a short trip to the pharmacy, all three of us, so that Rich could buy a cane and we could shop for a blood pressure monitor. It was already a dodgy expedition as Ian was tired and getting punchy. There may have been some gritted teeth conversations to get him in his car seat. We drove in silence for a mile or two. And then Ian started chatting about Christmas lights, how people shouldn't have them up every day but just sometimes or else they're not special. And then as he noticed more houses with decorations he got more and more excited, explaining in detail how each house was lit up differently.

All of a sudden, he gasped, "Hey! Look at the stars! Stars are like polka dots in the sky. They're beautiful!"

And all was forgiven. We made it home, snuggled on the couch until he fell asleep and I dragged myself out from under him to try staying awake at least an hour past his bedtime. And when I went to the bathroom tonight and couldn't find the soap to wash my hands, I smiled.